


Out of the woods

by oceansapart



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-04-29 05:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5116886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceansapart/pseuds/oceansapart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes they walk around in circles, towards one shared goal but too afraid to take the leap and chose the right path.<br/>There are difficulties, danger and trouble around them and between them. They get lost in a forest, figuratively and literally, how do they find their way out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> A take on season 5, what could have happened if Esther never showed up, Louis and Harvey never fought, and Jessica took matters in her own hands.

 

 

 __  
Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart  
When you go, what you leave is a work of art  
On my chest, on my heart

\- Featherstone by The Paper Kites.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

'Last call for flight 815 To Los Angeles, Last call for flight 815. I repeat, last call' Sounds are muffled, constant chit chat, rolling luggage, and the sound of her own heart pounding. She has been suffering from this increasing headache since Louis called her the night before and told her about the trip. She sees Harvey walking towards them, shoulders hunched up, bags under his eyes, still handsome with a grey sweater and black pants. He looks like he just arrived from a very tiresome trip, his baggage heavier than it seems.

_He had carried the same baggage for more than a decade, Donna helped him ease the load, without her it's just a matter of time until he starts revising and gets rids of what he doesn't need._

 

 

 

Her lips are tight, her eyes lost, trying to look everywhere but him and he feels like he’s been punched in the gut. She’s wearing jeans and a blue shirt, her sunglasses on one hand, luggage on the other. Jessica warned him that Donna would be going with him and Louis but he wasn’t expecting her to be dressed so casual but her demeanor so stiff. She’d rather be anywhere except near him he realizes, and his breathing gets quicker, he feels lightheaded and the symptoms couldn’t get any worse. He excuses himself to go the bathroom before the flight; Louis mutters something he can’t really understand, he would be grateful if his body cooperated with him to get as far as possible, not from them, but the moment.

 

 

 

Donna watches him go, his retreating form so much unlike him she’s restraining herself to go after him, ask him if he’s ok, if he’s in pain. It isn’t her job anymore to answer his needs, and they’re not even friends, she thought maybe, at least she could identify whatever they had besides work, as a friendship, but his silence and everything he said after she left showed her that she was only his secretary, the best he could have. And it hurt, it’s like someone has taken her heart and it’s squeezing it, milking it to see if there are emotions left for her to keep living life. Inside and out of the firm.

Louis grabs her arm, says something about their luggage, he’s carrying hers with him, ‘Donna this is a three day business trip why is it so heavy?’ Is funny how what Louis just said could resume her whole life, the baggage she carried everywhere with her, fears and things not said that she masks under this carefree character she has made up for herself and she plays so well.

 

 

 

By the time he’s back, it’s time for them to check in. At least the universe sympathizes with them; he’s at the end of the same row Louis and Donna are. Some space to get ready to spend the majority of the next three days together. He hates Jessica, and Dr Agard might repeat a bazillion times how great she seems to be, but he’s sure this is some sort of evil scheme his partner has came up, to make things right again.

Nobody understands, nothing will be right, he had finally succeeded, making the only stable relationship he had in his whole adult life end. If she was the sun, his days are more than cloudy with a chance of raining. His life was going through a Hurricane. And as much as he wanted to blame her, it wasn’t her fault; he was as responsible as her, one step forward, two steps back, always tip-toeing between the lines, until he erased it with one look, one confession and the stupid need to take it back. He did, in reality, but not in his mind, you can’t un-love Donna Paulsen.  Not when she has done everything for you, and she has loved you like she did. Not even when you tried to ignore how she might have loved you. He’s aware he’s thinking in past tense.

 

 

 

He wakes up to a soft touch to his shoulder. 'Harvey?' She takes her hand away as fast as he opens his eyes 'We're here' 

He stands up, sees her keep walking, Louis behind them. 'Welcome to Canada' A flight attendant tells him warmly. 'Hope you enjoy your stay'

He looks at Donna. He knows he would if things were different, he also knows he won't. 'Thank you' he tries to smile and fails.

 

 

The view from her room is beautiful, she can see a lake, and how the water disappears into the mountains, the peek of them mixing into a dark blue sky, clouds hiding stars. She goes to sleep covering herself with this blanket of darkness. Tomorrow will be another day, she thinks, feeling a little bit like Scarlett O'hara. The problem is she isn't like this, how tight her heart feels, and every thing she does because of it, how she moves, how she's living. She's sick of all the signs of the slow decline she's in, but she needs to find the path to whatever she might find. 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Do you realize? (Why we fight)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna always followed him in any endeavor he would take. What she doesn't realize is that he will follow her to the ends of the world.

You and I,

we might be strangers

However close we get sometimes

It's like we never met

\- You and I by Wilco

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Mont Tremblant takes her breath away, the red; ochre and yellow tint of the foliage makes her think of things never staying the same, of transformation, of earthly pleasures and the simple things in life. People always say thank you and please and it’s a nice change from home; of people not really seeing each other, of feeling invisible and letting life pass by.

For the first time in a long time she’s standing still, breathing in the crisp air, just enjoying the moment. Harvey finds her sitting on a chair on the deck outside the hotel’s restaurant. Of course he would be the one to find her.

‘Louis was looking for you’ he sits down next to her, the wooden chair making an squeaky noise, he adjusts and rubs his hands together. The cool breeze makes his hair not look as perfect as every other day. She keeps looking ahead to the horizon, doesn’t even feel like speaking, he’s being ignoring her since they arrived; she gets up and walks towards the door finally turns around to look at him.

‘Where is he?’

‘Besides the bar, with Mr. Beaulieu’ he hears the door knob turning ‘Donna?’

She turns around, her body language is telling him to stop, to not say whatever he’s planning to , but her eyes are sad. ‘Donna, for what it’s worth I’m sorry’

‘What about Harvey? about us three having to share these 3 days? Or…’

He nods ‘Us, the things I said’

‘You made that clear’ She doesn't miss a beat, answers too quickly and walks away, smiles to their client when she reaches him and Louis. His chest constricts, he worked his whole life to excel at law, and he achieved it with her by his side, but he fails in any other aspect. He can’t seem to say what he wants, not without her guidance. She understood him wrong, he knows. And if he was brave enough he would give in, go after her, explain that he’s not taking back the fact he loves her, even if he’s an idiot for not being able to explain how, he’s apologizing for making them be like this, almost as if they were strangers. But his feet feel heavy and glued to the ground.

He watches Donna and Louis charming the client; he’s looking at them as if it was a movie, him being a mere part of the audience, knowing what’s happening but being left out. He steps down the deck, needing to run or at least walk for a while to clear his head, he doesn't even know which direction to take, but hands in pockets he starts walking through this little path that goes around the hotel and the lake. His head is down and he's staring at the ground as if magically he'll get answers to some of the questions he's asking himself.

 

 

 

 

The little conversation with the client was a success and Louis wants to celebrate, go mudding to the hotel's spa. Donna politely rejects him, she read about a hiking place not far away from they were staying, a little expedition that shows up on every tourist guide for this place. She doesn't tell him she needs to be alone, he wouldn't understand, she's grateful he doesn't try to join her, letting him accompany her to the front desk to ask for directions and things you could do in the hotel.

Harvey finds them in the moment she’s asking the receptionist about this hike, warning her it’s a bit dangerous, and that there might be a storm coming. His timing for the first time in 12 years, regarding her, seems to be impeccable. Donna is discussing with the receptionist, there aren’t that many clouds in the sky, the quirky girls insists, It might be a walk for two. Harvey doesn’t think, before Louis has time to offer her company he exclaims "I’ll go". Louis must be really in the mood for some relaxation time because he doesn't even complain, just lets them be.

Donna’s lips form a thin line while the receptionist is smiling talking about a map she has somewhere.

'I don’t need help; I’m a big girl I can go alone'

'I know you don’t need me Donna.'  She doesn’t reply just looks at him with those big eyes "Let’s… I know… you go alone and I go alone, it just happens to be in the same direction" he tries to smile about to add something when the girl comes back, map in hand and a little list of things they should carry with them. The moment passed and they let it go, like so many others, ignore that it even existed.  

 

 

 

 

The drive together to the point Donna has starred on the map is in uncomfortable silence. Air could be cut with a knife and she’s clutching to the map as an armor, every time the silence becomes unbearable, she opens it, reads the road signs, making sure they're on track.   If only in life there would be signs to alert you're making the wrong turn he thinks, he doesn’t know where to start to explain he hates this, he doesn’t understand how they reached this point, but a part of him does know, he stills is building up the courage to start the conversation, to say the things that need to be said.

'We're here' she says staring out of the window, putting away the map in the little backpack she’s carrying, she opens the car door and he sighs. They have never felt so alone in each other’s company.

She starts walking, doesn't wait for him, and he's follows her a few steps behind. Leaves below their feet, the wind and some birds are the only sounds surrounding them, neither of them speaking. Suddenly she stops, puts his hand on his chest and mimics not to say a word, just in case he decides to speak in that moment. Not that she's counting on it.

There’s a small noise and they try not to breath, he really doesn't believe their luck, he would die because of a bear or some wild animal in the moment he was gathering the courage to say something. But somehow looking at Donna and having her look at him directly in the eyes after a while makes him relax, he’s about to grab her hand, when a small raccoon appears in front of them, the animal studies the intruders, tilts its head to a side, and another one comes up. She starts to laugh and the sound is music to his ears, he smiles, he can't help himself. The raccoons watches them more curiously. 

 

'Your face' she says between giggles, the situation is ridiculous.

'Well, yes, I thought...'

'It was a bear?' 

'Yeah, just our luck' he says and she stops laughing. Their smiles falter and she gestures to keep going. The little animals run off to where they came from, and he hesitates for a second, another moment passing right by him, before walking after her, not that he has another choice. And even if he did, he will always follow her. (For all those times he missed)

 

 

 

 


	3. It's you (The one that got away)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some feelings of emptiness that can't be filled, not with work or money or shiny things. The longing of that someone that gets you is something missing unless you have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special Thanks to Alex and Waheeda that helped me when my muse run away

It's hard to admit that  
Everything just takes me back  
To when you were there  
And a part of me keeps holding on  
Just in case it hasn't gone

\- When we were Young by Adele

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It's funny how life sometimes repeats itself in different situations, after they quit the D.A Office they had a choice, speak about what have happened or what it meant, or test the water, see if there was something there to be explored. He chose for both of them. Now she is. They had find a halt in their hiking route, there were two roads to take, Donna stood still for just a second and started walking towards the shorter one. They have been walking non stop for almost an hour and they haven't found another sign. He was feeling things were familiar.

“I think we’re walking in circles” he’s looking at the ground when she turns around, he can’t see the fire in her eyes.

“I know how to read signs Harvey, and there's in fact a path to follow” he’s about to speak when he stares at her, the frustration radiating from her whole being

“I’m not questioning your knowledge in french Donna but I’m sure I have seen this rock before”

“Oh my god Harvey!… Seriously? All rocks look the same”

Until he opened his mouth, their hike had been in silence, he trailing after her, letting her guide them. But right now he feels he should step up, they used to work well together, one telling the other when they’re making a mistake, listening to each other. But clearly, those times are long gone.

"I didn't ask you to come with me" she says bitterly, anger obvious on her features, she wanted this walk to be a moment of mindfulness and peace with her self, and even if they weren't talking and for moments it was companionably silence, he's there and this is light years from what they used to be. This hurts and she wanted so badly to have a chance to forget how her heart beats faster every time he's near, or how the questions and what ifs about them plague her thoughts.

He breaths in deep "Don't you know I'd follow you to the ends of the earth?"

She shakes her head, throws her hands in the air "You have to stop assuming I know everything" he's about to retort that she always said that, that she's Donna but she goes on and he listens, gripping his water bottle more tightly "I don't and even less when it comes to you"

"What does that mean?"

"You know what that means"

"That's an evasive answer."

"No it isn't"

"For gods sake Donna, just say it."

"Okay fine Harvey, I'll break it down for you. You say one thing and then you instantly regret it. It's a never ending cycle with you. So no, I don't know everything. I didn't think you'd care what I do and I definitely didn't know that you love me. In fact, I still don't."

He’s frustrated but glued to his spot near a tree, how come she not know how much he cares for her, after everything they've been through. The fight in his office 2 months ago hit him and he replays the conversation, the things he wanted to say but couldn't because she left.

"You’re one of the most important people in my life" She shakes her head, she can feel the tears about to spill, her chest constricts

"Stop"

"No, ok? you’re right... I shouldn't have assumed you knew everything" He sighs, but keeps going, remembers his conversations with Dr. Agard "Do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted to reach for you? that I needed you in ways I shouldn't have. But I couldn't risk losing you" he exhales the air he was holding. Tilts his head to a side, his lips forming a thin line. His hand goes through his hair. She's astonished unable to say something because what he said only confuses her even more. Harvey takes her silence as an answer, whatever he can offer is not enough. He walks past her and speaks so soft she is not sure she hears him right. "The funny thing is I lost you either way"

She follows him then, a few steps behind, still trying to process what he meant, what just have happened means, because here it goes another moment they won't talk about but somehow shifted their dynamic again. There are some feelings of emptiness that can't be filled, not with work or money or shiny things. The longing of that someone that gets you is something missing unless you have it. They did, but in that moment it's hard to know if they still do.

 

 

 

 

 

He stops suddenly and she almost runs against his back. He's staring at the sky and she’s looking at him trying to figure out what he’s doing when a rain drop falls on her head, then another, and another; it starts slowly but suddenly heavens break loose and they begin to run, their vision is skew between the rain and the darkness the clouds brought around them. She's not sure they're on the right path anymore until he grabs her hand, maybe they are.

Donna asks him where are they going, her voice muffled by the constant downpour sound, he mutters something about a house and then she sees it, a small wood construction not far ahead from them. By the time they reach the cabin's porch they’re soaking wet. He frees her hand then, suddenly aware of their contact. Donna walks to the door, she knocks, twice, and then unlocks it.

‘Good thing you’re surrounded by lawyers because this is breaking and entering’ he comments while they step inside, turning on a light. It’s obvious the house is not abandoned, some parts messy; notebooks, pencils and drawing sketches scattered here and there, but overall it's clean and the chimney has a small fire going on, it looks like a home.

He sees she’s shivering and goes to the fire, adds some wood in it, bursting into flames quickly; he stares at it for a minute. They’re like wood, only needing a match to ignite. She walks towards him near the chimney, rubs her hands together, but she can't stop shaking, how can it be so cold, not an hour ago the sun was still out there. She's silently cursing global warming.

"We should take our clothes off" She turns her head quickly to look at him bug-eyed. "I mean to let them dry by the fire? I wasn't suggesting..." Is he blushing? he feels his face very hot, stammering he goes on "I saw a folded blanket..." he turns around, walks behind the couch in front of where she's standing, hands it to her, doesn't trust himself to speak; she looks amused.

She takes off her shoes first, and immediately he turns around, closing his eyes. When she says his name her voice seems closer, her clothes are hanging on a chair near the heat and she's already shielded by the piece of fabric, sitting on the couch. Harvey stalls for a moment, starts taking off his shirt as he walks, she holds her breath, his taught back muscles and arms hypnotizing her.When his hands reach the button of his pants she looks intently to a spot on the carpet. Her gaze is downcast when she feels him sitting besides her, the sofa cushion adjusting a little.

Without their clothes on they feel too vulnerable, they're sitting close enough that she can feel the warmness emanating from his body, and he's trying to look ahead, absent while the flames dance together, if he looks down her long, creamy and silky legs make him think about what he's sure he shouldn't be feeling. He breaths in deeply.

 

 

"Harvey, about what you said"

"You don't need to..." her eyes are piercing, the soft light coming from the lamps and the fire magnifying her beauty.

"I need time... but, I need you in my life too" she's not quite smiling but her lips turn slightly upwards, his do the same. They stare straight ahead again, he feels her shifting on her spot and without warning she's closer to him. 

"I hope Canadians live up to their fame" she's speaking quietly

"Hu?" He can smell her fading perfume, he's too distracted to pick up what she's saying.

"That they're nice as everybody says they are"

"You're worried about the owner finding us?" She nods, her eyes dreamy and tired.

"I'll try to stay awake, sleep if you want" She shakes her head and stifles a yawn

"Tell me something I don't know" Donna asks and he pauses for a moment, thinking. Finally he speaks, smoothly describing his first vacation alone with Marcus and his father, he was 13, and stayed in a little house, similar to this one. He doesn't exactly remember what they did during the day but he cherishes the memories of the bonfires, his dad teaching them how to play guitar. "He gave the guitar to me when I was 16"

She lets her head rest on the back of the couch using her right hand as a pillow, she has been staring at him, enjoying he was unaware of her privy eyes while he gesticulated and smiled, the memory clearly a happy one.

"Do you still have it?" He turns to look at her then, her hair cascading over her face. 

"No, I gave it to Marcus, he was always better than me" he says while pulling a strand of her locks behind her ear. He's gawking at her, he's sure she can tell, but her hair is coming down in curls and it's driving him crazy "I like your hair like this"

She raises her eyebrows "Messy and natural?"

"Yeah" he doesn't tell her she looks beautiful, no matter how her hair is, but there's something about this moment, about seeing another part of her that makes him giddy. She changes the subject, goes back to what he was telling her before. Questioning him if he ever serenade a girl, and he laughs wholeheartedly because of course he did, and of course said girl's father went after him for disturbing his sleep. He feels the weight of her head on his shoulder, she finally dozed off. Her features soft and calm, and for the first time in months he doesn't feel something tugging at his heart anymore. The blanket around her had fallen down a little bit, exposing skin, he accommodates it and kisses her forehead, eliciting a soft hum from her sleeping form. 

 

 

 

He can't lie to himself anymore, he doesn't just love her, he is in love with her, and he can't pinpoint the moment it happened but he's sure now. This new awareness completely foreign to him, but strangely, he's not scared to mess it up anymore.

 

 

 

 


	4. Under the surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's so much you can pretend when you have been through this path before, when you are almost sure how the story ends.

I want you  
And nothing comes close  
To the way that I need you  
I wish I can feel your skin  
And I want you  
From somewhere within

Oceans by Seafret

 

* * *

 

 

 

The temperature has dropped considerably, but he's warm, as they were sleeping they become entangled, her hand is on his chest and he’s holding her. He notices the reason why he woke up, there are lights coming from outside, the distant rummage of a car alerting him. He gets up quickly, making her jump. He’s going through his clothes, modesty apart, starts to dress and she does the same. There’s a moment when he can’t take his eyes from her, watching her put on her shirt, there’s a lot of skin for him to see, and for a moment he lets himself wonder what would happen if the situation was the opposite. As soon as his mind comes back to reality the door opens and a woman with a stick in her hand comes barging in.

 

“Oh mon dieu! Qu'est-ce que vous faites dans ma maison? [What are you doing in my house?]" Quickly Donna reacts, walks towards the lady gesticulating.

“Je suis désolée, il y'a eu un orage et nous étions perdus. La porte était ouverte! [I'm so sorry, the storm caught us and we were lost, the door was open!]" He sees Donna and the woman talk but he can’t understand a thing, and even if he wants to try he can’t, he's very distracted, he had, absently, heard her talking, or trying to talk in other languages during their years working together, but never like this, perfect accent and determination in her demeanor. Why is French such a sexy language he wonders.

"Oui, parce qu'ici les gens savent respecter les propriétés privées, modit! [Yeah, because here people respect private property]"

The woman, slowly moves apart from the door,  leaves the stick on the kitchen table. She takes a deep breath in and looks at them inquiringly, their hair is tousled and their clothes full of wrinkles, he knows how it must look like, he's grateful Donna is handling things.

"Sincèrement, nous sommes vraiment désolés, il peut vous offrir une compensation... [We're really sorry, he can offer you compensation]"

"Oh my god" The woman is clearly offended, and he might getting to grasp what's happening.

"Oh my god! Non pas ce genre de compensation, je veux dire, nous pouvons vous payer pour ces désagréments [Not that type of compensation, oh my god, I was trying to say that we could pay you for the inconveniences]" Donna runs her hand through her locks and her fingers get stuck because of the curls, accentuated with her hair being dry. She's getting exasperated and he has the sudden urge to butt in, stop being a mere spectator, he walks towards the owner of the house, the woman studying him.

"Miss we're sorry, seriously, I can pay you for the inconveniences, we'll be out of here, the rain has stop"

The woman shakes her head, her hair shines with the soft light inside the house "Stephanie, I'm Stephanie" Her gaze softens, she hopes her hunch is right but she feels the intruders were really lost "Have someone ever told you that you can't fix everything with money?" her accent isn't noticeable and her voice gentle. "Please Sit down"

Harvey looks at Donna and follows her, the chairs make a squeaky noise when they move them, muffled by the noise of cupboards being opened.

"I don't know about you, but I need coffee" Stephanie states as she starts a coffeemaker, the smell taking over their senses soon enough. Donna stomach growls, Stephanie puts a plate of cookies on the table before sitting down. Donna smiles kindly at her, grabs a cookie and takes a bite. 

"Oh my god, these are so good!"

The other woman smiles back "You must be really hungry.... my husband made them" there's mischief in her eyes. Harvey hasn't touched the cookies, scrutinizing the woman, she notices it.

"I'm not going to kill you, if that's what you're wondering... Mister?"

"Harvey, he's Harvey and I'm Donna, don't mind him he doesn't trust people easily"

Stephanie nods as she gets up "That's the same with my husband and myself" They look at each other for confirmation if they understood the same thing, immediately Donna shakes her head.

"Oh no, we're not... together, we're just... friends" Donna answers quietly and he grabs a cookie then, munches on it before speaking. Stephanie is looking at them from where she's standing, resting against the counter, she looks amused, like she's in some sort of joke he's not understanding.

"I know this might be asking a lot, but could you..." he's trying to be polite, but this hiking trip hasn't gone like he has planned, not that he really had expected much from it, but the eagerness Donna showed in contradicting the woman, or her hesitation when she said they were friends... in retrospect they have always taken one step forward and two steps back, he doesn't know why he is surprised.

"Give you guys a ride?" She interrupts him, pouring three cups of coffee and carries them to the table. "No problem, lets drink these and I'll drive you to the city, I have to pick up my husband first if you don't mind"

Donna answers then, of course they won't. She was right Canadians are really, really, nice.

 

 

 

 

 

Stephanie and Donna exchange phone numbers and he stands on the side, casting awkward glances with Stephanie's husband. There seems to be a commotion happening inside the hotel, but he can't wait to get in if he's honest. The drive back was chatty between the two ladies until they picked up the other man. They have left their car, planning to return to it the day after, the roads not looking safe for someone who didn't know the terrain, after the storm; in that weird moment he doesn't know if it was such a good idea.

Finally, they make it in, as soon as they cross the threshold the warmness and noise inside the hotel envelop him with some sort of familiarity. Donna is walking ahead of him, again, and he sees it coming because the redhead is the first victim. Two chubby arms circling him "I'm so glad you two are ok, where have you been? no don't tell me I don't want to know" 

"Breath Litt, we're ok" Louis breaks the hug, Donna is smiling behind him, entertained. Louis grabs them both by the elbows, carries them away from the people gathering around the reception.

"Guys I hope you don't mind, but Mr. Beaulieu asked a favor, because of the storm there aren't many rooms, so he upgraded us" Harvey is wondering why he would mind when Louis finishes the sentence "Harvey you and me, we're sharing a room". His last thought is oh, boy.

 

 

 

 

 

She's appreciating the view, wondering about the color spectrum in the sky, everything calmer after the storm, even if it's dark and you can't see the stars, there's something soothing about the smell of wet earth and nature surrounding this place. Her hike didn't turn out to be what she was expecting, the weather weirdly mirroring her inner turmoil. But her talk with Harvey had helped, she's still confused, not quite grasping yet what transpire between the two.

She's not sure she's ready to face how deep she feels for him. Quiet knocks on her door break her from over analyzing her day. She tightens the hotel robe around herself, and looks through the pip hole.

"Louis is snoring like a train" he doesn't even give her time to ask him what he's doing there, he's not sure.

"Trains don't snore" he mimics a laugh, gestures if it's ok to come in and she opens the door further, he walks past her, Donna closes the door slowly and turns around, she's barefoot and their height difference is noticeable, he knows she's tough, one of the bravest women he knows, but in that moment, the white robe too big for her, she's delicate, vulnerable. He sits down on the edge of the bed, she asked for time, he won't push it.

"There's His Girl Friday on TV" he says, again derailing the real conversation they should have. She sighs, opens the minibar and takes out chocolates, she sits on the other side of the bed, against the head board, arranging the pillows to be comfortable. She gazes at him, hunching over the end of the bed as he goes through the channels.

"Are you gonna stay there?" she asks. He finds the movie and turns to look at her, she's patting the side next to her and he moves tentatively. His measured movements don't escape her scrutinizing gaze.

She wishes things between them wouldn't be so complicated; ultimately focusing on the movie. He’s looking at the screen intently, glad he didn’t arrive sooner, when Walter and Hildy are discussing their divorce or why she left, when they were estranged and Walter was telling how much of a mess he was since she went away. Truth to be told he doesn’t look so shaken up, but he knows better to judge him, he tried to seem laid-back too.

 

 

 

"I love classic movies" she says quietly, her voice smoky. He swallows, he really didn't think the ramifications of being, again, in a dim lighted space with her, of how his heart would bit faster, yearning to touch her, to bring her even closer to him. Their shoulders are touching and he gazes down at her.

She looks up at him "These two sure can't say what they're thinking" he makes a humming agreeing noise. Donna looks back at the TV, he lets himself watch her for a second, her eyes crinkling when something ridiculous happens. 

"Walter is kind of a douche" He says sleepily a while after.

"Kind of? but the other guy isn't for her, he's a douche but he's Hildy's douche" she doesn't look at him this time.

"That's... romantic" he answers, he can't take his eyes off of her.

"Well it's late" she comments nonchalantly, like she has never humored romantic thoughts, not even late at night, when she's laying in her bed, alone.

 

 

 

12 years ago, they would recite entire scenes of the movie, back to back to each other. Never after that one night together, there were some boundaries they wouldn't dare cross. Things changed, quickly during the last few months after she quit, and slowly but even more that same day. That night they fall sleep through the parts they used to quote.

 

 

 

She wakes up in the middle of the night, his chest working as a pillow for her head, one of his arms around her stomach, dragging her to him. She doesn't think, does't dwell on what this moment of them acting unconsciously means, drifting back to sleep.

 

 

 

He wakes up with the rising sun slipping in through her open window. He can feel her breathing against his neck, her chest pressed against his back, she's warm, one of her arms circling his middle, her hand flat against his rib cage. He has dreamed to wake up like this, and he wishes he could keep up with the rest of how those dreams go on, but he needs to go, before she wakes up and notices other parts of him are starting to wake up too, and also, before Louis wakes up and realizes he's not there.

He disentangles himself from her embrace, missing the contentment as soon as his feet touches the floor. He walks away not looking back.

 

 

 

Even if he wanted to, one last look at the reality that for a split second looked like his deepest desires.

If he would have looked back, he would have seen her stirring, looking up sleepily at his retreating form, disappointment echoing in her face. 

 

 

 

She looks at the closing door, the warm spot he left on her bed, _f_ _or the second time in her life._

She feels the knot raising in her chest, her emotions taking the best of her usual composure. She might not be ready to face it, but the truth is right there for her to grasp it. She's in love with him.  Time stands still for a brief moment as she stares at the ceiling, pulling a pillow on top of her face. She can't keep denying what it's right in front of her, there're no more lines to protect her, things have shifted, changed. _Just like 12 years ago._ But maybe, just maybe, this time things won't end like they did before.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> For the beautiful and crazy bunch (my army of shipper ninjas) who motivated me to make this story grow. And especially Steph, who provided the visual inspiration.


End file.
